Girl, you gotta keep it moving. You can’t let heartbreak slow you down. Breakups happen. Heartbreak happens. Life happens. Pull yourself together, do what needs to be done, then come home and cry your eyes out, or do whatever you need to do to get yourself right. Go out with your girls, have some cocktails, do some retail therapy, whatevs.
When I was about to start my first business, I had also just moved in with my boyfriend. It seemed like the right thing to do. I was paying rent (for my gut renovated 1 BR in Washington Heights) and he was paying a mortgage (for his studio in Murray Hill.) I had insisted on paying the utilities, but real talk, his banker bucks were about ten times what I was bringing in with my union waitress gig and he paid for most things. I kept my day job primarily for personal expenses and health insurance. My new living situation became part of my plan. I had a foundation from which to work on my new business and my basic needs were covered. Phew!
One foot can not stand in two boats. – Chinese Proverb
Now, I’m a pretty reasonable girl and I do consider things before making a decision… but I don’t create back up plans. I don’t believe you can simultaneously plan for your success and failure, so I choose to plan for my success. But failures happen. They do. You can’t help it, and if your’e not failing, you’re not trying.
So, I did not plan on his breaking up with me less than 6 mos. into our cohabitation. I was devastated. I mean, this was the relationship that got me to finally divorce my husband after being separated for 5 years. I was making room for this guy to ask me to marry him, because we had spoken about that. He broke up with me days before we were supposed to go to Cuba together. I went alone. I came back and got straight to work on putting my life back together without him in it.
Since I had only budgeted for utilities, I was priced out of every living situation. So, I moved in with my old college friend. I stayed on his couch and kept my things in his hall closet, while I worked on my new business. For a year.
“Failing is part of the process of success. You cannot have success without failure.” – Robert Kiyosaki
It was certainly not the foundation I had planned on operating from, but I didn’t let that stop me. I had a plan to start a business and I did. Of course there were times when I wanted to curl up with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, and sometimes I did that, but ultimately, I didn’t just do what I had to do, I did what I said I was going to do. The difference being honoring your previous commitments, which is a pretty basic level of operating vs. honoring your word, a much higher level of operating.
Do more than what you need to do. Do what you said you would do.
Honestly, I’m in one hell of an upset with my partner as I’m writing this, and I’m writing to you because I said I would. I committed to this blog, hopefully it will inspire you and I’m sorry if your heart is hurting. The lesson here is don’t let your heartbreak take you out of the game. Play on. Put on your big girl pants, some waterproof mascara and make your dreams happen! I know it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. I promise.
Big Love, D
P.S. Hey guys, please don’t be put off by my talk of panties and mascara! If you see yourself in what I’m sharing, please take it on for yourself too!